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I don’t have a dream anymore! I have no aim in live, no reachable goal I am heading to... okay, there’s my school degree, there’s the college course I want to take, the master of science I want to achieve, maybe even a doctorate... and then? I used to have dreams – I wanted to become a vet all my life. Now I have buried that dream I don’t know what shall become of me. No final goal to work for. There are small dreams, of course, like going on a whale-watching tour, diving or swimming with wild dolphins and seeing South Africa from horseback... or just visiting the country and all my friends there again....
But those dreams are far away, I can’t do anything at the moment to make them come true... monetary problems *smile*. It is the big goal in my life that is missing... the first big goal was my Abitur, which I am achieving at the moment... I don’t regard it as achieved already, but it is nothing I have to work hard for anymore... just studying and sitting the exam...

If you have no dreams you have no future... but what so those people do who have already achieved all their goals in life? Can’t they be happy anymore? Once there is nothing left, no more step for you to ascend... maybe you just stay where you are and be happy with that, but I fear that won’t be enough for me... everyday life, routine, boredom... I guess one just has to find another dream, another aim, another idol perhaps to life up to...

And now I understand why some people do some so completely crazy things... quit their jobs and drive through America on a Harley or climb the Mount Everest... They go for their dreams, they leave their lives to go for their dreams....

I should stop thinking my dreams as being impossible to be fulfilled, even if I can’t make them come true at the moment... I should find myself a dream, something to live for – I mean, apart from all those small perfect moments which make life bearable even if I am miserable... life itself is worth living, life itself is wonderful and a whole maze of choices – and chances – a real life-dream.... and if it is only to sleep in an Ice-hotel once or go galloping along the sea... I mean, there are so many wonderful things to do in this world...

It is just hard to be going a road uncertain where it will lead you... it is hard to keep the tracks if you don’t know where you want to be at the end of the road...
But one thing I know, and yesterday I felt it stronger than I have done for a long while: Wherever my road will take me, on whatever place or position I will stand in the end: I don’t want to be standing there alone...
16.5.07 11:29

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