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...

Somehow I feel that Iīm going numb... I mean, if I compare what I wrote a year ago and what I write now...

I feel that my writing grows weaker and weaker, that Iīm thinking about less and less important things, Iīm not worrying that much any more, nor am I thinking about philosophical questions of the matter I did a year ago....

It seems like all those things I used to think about have become unimportant, but I canīt tell if thereīs a thing that took their place.... Can it be that being rid of most of my problems makes me dull, numb, a stupid sheep, running in the herd, along with anyone else? I mean, of course I am worries about this world, and I am thinking a lot about politics and so on, but most of the time I spend thinking Iīm furious about some politicians or their measures, and about how mean and stupid people can be.... I have left the topics I used to have important thoughts of... Iīm writing down things with no real connection, more interrupted, one fact after the other, withouta real line running through my thoughts...

I really feel that a part of me is gone somehow, that I have changed a lot.... but for the better? Itīs like a lack of inspiration and capability of keeping my thoughts, deep thoughts, together... Itīs weird, and I really canīt tell what has happened....
4.8.06 20:51


Isreal

Okay, letīs say it right away, and in an honest way:

I canīt understand Isrealīs policy at the moment.... I mean, what do they think they are doing in Libanon? Itīs just not right! Okay, of course they long for safety, but can bombs ever be a way leading to safety? Or to being accepted in an area where you are not liked? I donīt think that the world or the UN would allow any other country to act like that (apart from America, I think.... Well, survival of the strongest, and justice according to them, isnīt it like that?) without resolutions or punishment... but they just go on bombing cities, and nobody does anything about it!

I mean, itīs not okay, itīs not right, itīs cruel, and I am quite sure itīs senseless.... and honestly, promising not to attack for 48 hours and yet flying attacks, killing a lot of civillians, even UN-soldiers, bombing trucks which are transporting goods to support the people of Libanon, maybe even ensure their survival.... Itīs all so wrong!

I mean, somehow itīs understandable that Isreal has a feeling of being threatened and in need to do something, anything about that, but this canīt be the right way...

Itīs just a vicious circle, going round and round, deeper and deeper into violence, pain, hatred.... Everyday you hear of casualties in Isreal or Palestine, now in Libanon as well... every day, thereīs more suffering, pain, blood and tears down there than we can imagine.... and still they try to fight this pain with bombs and weapons, with violence and revenge, rage, retrebution, retaliation...

But can bombs and violence ever lead to peace?

And why canīt people just stop a war that theyīve begun, why canīt there be an end of this madness? One has to do the first step...
And no matter on what spot of this earth, watching without doing something against it is almost as bad as attacking oneself...

Thereīs so much to do in this world...
4.8.06 21:21


What a wonderful world...

What world is it we are living in? What a wonderful world....

Itīs a world of pleasure and luxury for many of us, of easy living, having a house to live, clothes to wear, a great variety of food to eat every day, friends to talk with, maschines to do our work (at least a lot of it, especially at home)...
Itīs a world where one can have hobbies, can go surfing, riding, skating, can read books (and many great ones....), play computer games... itīs a world where travelling is easy, where you can get to almost every spot on this planet quite easily and fast, a world where you are free to do so many things....

There are a lot of wonderful things about this planet, and itīs an amazing, beautiful place, full of wonders and miracles, of nature, landscape, and sometimes even of miracles between humans... maybe it could be a perfect place....

But then I turn on the TV, watching the news... what a world is it we are living in?
A world where poor parents in Asia sell their children, so that rich white tourists can "have fun" with them.

A world where young women are forced to have sex with people apart from not wanting to do things like that - and the people who force them to do such things are just as bad as those who pay them.

A world where thousands of people starve every day without the rich nations even realizing it.

A world where children are forced to be soldiers in civil wars, sometimes even to kill relatives or friends....

A world where a fourteen years old boy kills a thirteen year old girl because of an mp3 player.... in Germany!

A world where a mother killed nine of her children right after giving birth to them - without anybody knowing anything about it.

A world where some teeenagers are so desperate or whatever that they run amok, killing students, teachers and themselves.

A world where young people commit suicide because of despair, or depression, or being left alone.

A world where a lot of species have died out because of humans.

A world where sometimes people are still judged by the colour of their skin and not by their character.

A world where ..... Is there an end to this list?
A world people destroy, day by day, a world so full of pain and suffering caused by humans....

Itīs nothing but what we make of it...

What a wonderful world...
4.8.06 21:36


Isreal 2

Still the fights go on.... still people die.
Roads and highways have been destroyed, condemning people to stay inside a city thatīs under attack... propaganda is on on both sides, each side is blaming and accusing the other, for crimes that have happened, or for ones that havenīt? Not yet? Who knows?

And the UN keeps on discussing and discussing...

But I think itīs important to see both sides... itīs to simple now to just blame Isreal for their attacks and killing innocent people as well, risking that they kill innocent people... The Hisbolla knows well what they are doing hiding their offices in normal housing areas, in houses of innocent, or only guys who are sympathetic towards them.... they use people as human shields against attacks, knowing well that their presence alone can bring death to the people who are willing to protect them. Thatīs terrorism, against both sides, thatīs not only selfish, but inhumane, barbaric... just as barbaric as the attacks Isreal flies...

And the truth and who is to blame stays hidden behind the TV news and propaganda... But maybe itīs far more complicated than that, far more complicated than just saying: One side is to blame.

All I know for sure is that both sides made mistakes, both sides let the countries to this war we have now, in one or the other way.
And all I know is that people are dying, and that thatīs so wrong, so senseless... The whole worldīs watching.... just watching....
7.8.06 12:16


One year ago....

Today I have found a photo of my old class.... a photo of amost all of them, one year ago....

One year ago, everything was so different. So much has changed since then....

Friendship have broken, others have grown. I have seen friendships break, people getting away from each other, blaming one another for the failure of the friendship... I canīt tell whoīs to blame, nor do I want to; I have no right to accusate or to judge in that matter.
I have found people I could become friends with.... the plant might grow, and I hope it will, but who knows?
I have lost a very good friend of mine.... I guess we both were foolish... I went through a rolercoaster because of that, I cried and tore myself apart, but now itīs okay, itīs just a bit painful to look at what I have lost... so I donīt do that very much, but even when I do, itīs not a problem... Maybe I should regret what has happened, but I think the story is not yet ended... I donīt know its end, so I donīt knoew wether to regret or to wait until I know it....
I might be loosing a very good friend right now.... our relationship has become difficult somehow, and I guess somehow we both hurt each other without wanting to... I donīt know whatīs going to happen, I donīt know wether weīll still be friends in a while, though I do hope weīll be...
But Iīm not sure if I should try to change because of such things.... I am what I am, and in some matters, I canīt do a thing about that.... if you read this, I hope you understand me.

The whole world seems different from the world one year ago. My way to look at it, my point of view, has changed... Now, I know that I canīt accept things I accepted a year ago, and I canīt stand having accepted them... thatīs what causes me trouble in some friendships.... my friends donīt understand my change of though, and honestly, how should they? They havenīt seen what I saw, they havenīt felt what I felt... and Iīm not willing to share those memories with them... not yet, maybe, bt maybe Iīll never do... Itīs a hard situation, but Iīll see what will come of it...

So, the world ago was a different one, but was it a better one? I canīt tell.... Iīd like to say that life was easier then, but I know that it only seems to have been, but it was never easier, nor much more difficult... Now itīs just more people with different relationships to deal with, itīs more a net then it used to be, and there are far more tension woven into it... far more interests and opinions to remember, think of, deal with...

But thatīs what life is: Change.

Has my life been better a year ago? I canīt tell... I donīt know, and I never will.... itīs a weird thought, trying to imagine what I might think about this and my current situation next year....

And the road goes ever on, the wheel keeps on turning, the world keeps on changing... always.
7.8.06 20:40


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